, , , , ,

I’m always amazed how much fictional characters can touch me on an emotional level that I never allow in real life.  I just finished crying over the last season’s finale of NCIS. I’m still teary and red eyed.  But it made me think  about how long it’s been since I reacted so emotionally to my real life.

I have always been a fairly tightly bottled person, emotionally speaking.  I learned at a fairly young age that showing/expressing strong emotion was something that other people would exploit and use against me.  I’m a very passionate person, but I am also a very tightly controlled one.  There are very few people who have seen me cry, really cry.  If you are one of them, I count you as a immensely dear trusted friend(there is a difference between seeing me cry and making me cry…)

Perhaps it’s easier to allow myself to react to fictive people because they aren’t real and can’t react to my show of emotion.

Perhaps my relationships never move into new areas because I can’t risk the loss of control that might occur…or perhaps allowing the stronger emotions to surface more often would scare them away.  Perhaps allowing them to see the real me will frighten them and they leave.

Lots of ‘perhaps’…things to think on.