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This last week I hit a new milestone in my weightloss journey.  I now weigh less than 250 pounds.  The last time I was this weight I was 19 years old.  Sadly, my body does not have the same firmness level it had at 19!

My 40th birthday is just around the corner, and with it comes life changes and fear.  Well, the fear has always been there, it’s just becoming more prominent as I deal with my issues/emotions/anxieties/baggage.

From a very young age I have feared failure.  I found it easier to deal with wishful thinking and longing for things not done then to risk failure.  I was a very imperfect perfectionist who found found depression in at end of the day because of my lack of perfection.  I was afraid of so many things, to be honest, I still am.

I chose to drop out of college rather than risk failing classes that I was afraid of taking.  Sadly I didn’t have a mentor I could reach out to and find the help I needed back then.  I’ve dreamed of doing so many different things with my life, yet have settled for the safe and mundane life of just scraping by because of the fear of failure.

I’ve decided that my theme for 2016 is COURAGE.  I’m going to have courage to step out and risk failure.  I’m not very good at it.  It’s hard not to step back into my old habits that protect me from both failure & success.

One of the things going on right now is separating households from my sister.  K & I have lived together for most of the last 11 years.  It just made sense, but now it makes life more frustrating and difficult for all of us.  so K & Baby B are(hopefully) going to be moving about 30 miles away to be closer to my parents.  I’m going to get a bit of freedom back and the chance to spread wings that have atrophied over the years from lack of use!

I’m also taking steps to be completely debt free, and be able to quickly save to have surgery to remove all of the hanging skin that losing 120+ pounds has left behind.


I can do it!!