December has been fun too.  Dec. 3 – Brenna turns 17 months old!! It’s crazy how time Dad-Brenna2014flies.  Went and took Christmas pictures. K was adamant that we do a “family” picture again.  My Mother insisted that we wear cheesy green decorated shirts.  Dad and Brenna were pretty much done and ready to go home!

Dec 11- Finally received a Settlement offer from Bayer…It sucks, but my lawyer says that thanks to my weight and the extremely sucky malpractice laws in Texas it’s the best I’m going to get.  I really don’t have much of a choice but to accept the offer.  If I don’t accept they will replace me in my settlement group with someone willing to take the pennies that Bayer is offering, and I could go on waiting for another 5+ years. My take home will be 5 digits…and not large ones.  Trying to stay positive.  At least I’m getting money, a lot of women aren’t even going to get an offer and will never see a dime out of Bayer.  The Paralegal taking care of my group says not to expect to get a payment off of the settlement for at least 9 months.

Dec 13 – I won a door prize at the office Christmas party!  A 24 inch LED TV.  Have no clue what I will do with a TV that small…I haven’t had a TV that small since I left college.

I feel very guilty and unthankful…I know I shouldn’t be, but that’s how it feels.  Life is a constant struggle…one area clears up and another one gets bogged down.  I am to the point I hate to talk to anyone but my 2 closest friends C & L.  I lie pretty much any time someone asks me how I am.  The truth is that I’m barely hanging on…and it feels that that’s all I’ve been doing for the last 10 years of my life.  Hanging on.

Spiritually things are rough too.  My Church home is a very unfriendly place now thanks to our Uber-dictator of a pastor…I feel for his wife and kids, it can’t be easy being stuck in the middle of all of this.  It is much more peaceful to stay away or attend somewhere else.  I continue to dream of silent retreats.

I’m looking forward to 2015 with great longing!!