This weekend we saw J, Brenna’s birthmother, for the first time in 14 months. It was the first time Brenna had laid eyes on her or heard her voice since she was 3 weeks old. It’s probably bad of me, but when Brenna didn’t light up or show any kind of recognition I was relieved.
A month ago J called her aunt, who is now the adoptive mother of J’s 3 1/2 year old daughter B, and asked if she could come and see B. G, the aunt, told her NO. Told her that she made her decision back in December when she walked away before Christmas and then terminated her rights in January to both girls and that this part of her life was closed and she needed to move forward. Fast forward 2 weeks and J has a “fiancee” and is getting married to her latest boyfriend according to her Facebook.
So this week J and the new Fiancee show up at Church…
I think we did pretty well. We allowed J to hold Brenna twice. Brenna only allowed it for about 30 seconds both times. J seemed…oblivious. I think that’s the best word for it. Our last 3 interactions with J have pretty much been drunk text messages about how we stole her baby and how Brenna will never love us and when she is 18 she will know the truth and run away from us back to her REAL mother blah blah blah
She spun a web of half truths, for what effect I’m not sure. I don’t know if she was looking for sympathy or forgiveness or what. She told me that a different man is Brenna’s ‘daddy'(her word NOT mine!) then the one I’m 95% sure really is her sperm donor. Again I’m assuming for sympathy perhaps as the man she named died last month.
She went on to say that they are getting married the Saturday after Thanksgiving and she want “the girls” to be her flower girls…ah, NO. I headed that one off by simply saying “That’s not up to me, you will have to talk to her Mama about that.” But I’ll tell her no if I need to…why in the WORLD would I allow that?? The Fiancee has a 4 year old and J would be more than happy to meet us for play dates…ah Brenna is only 15 months old and isn’t walking yet, that’s not a suitable play date. Again a NO…perhaps even a HELL NO.
At this point we aren’t interested in cultivating any kind of “birthmother” relationship with J. We are going to be polite when we see her at family events or at church, but there will be no one-on-one with her and Brenna or with her and us. We have a LONG way to go before we are ready for anything more than that.
Brenna is growing by leaps and bounds. She is still little we just broke 19 lbs this last month and she doesn’t really show any signs of being excited about the prospects of walking. She will walk if you hold both her hands, but there are some major balance issues. We are hoping they will work themselves out and we won’t need to do any interventions. She is behind in her speech, but again nothing major. She says about 5 words you can really understand and then she has about 8 signs that she uses regularly and correctly. She says and signs “Mama” and “Nanu”, she says Hi & Bye She signs “Please” Mama” “Nanu” “Bottle/Milk” “Eat” “More” “Cat” and “Dog”