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10 years ago I joined a Christian dating site.  I made some amazing friendships.  I met a few guys that I thought could possibly be Mr. Right. They all found other, and much better, matches if I’m honest with myself.  The one romantic relationship I formed crashed and burned when after several months  I discovered I was his fat girl fall back.

I took it as a sign.  It was time for me to stop looking for love and a relationship.  I would focus on the wonderful friendships I had found.  I’ve stayed in contact with many of those wonderful people.  Almost all of them had now married, and I’m so happy for them.  But marriage changes friendships, and it probably should.

My first possible “Mr. Right” was this amazing guy with the screen name “CharmingArtist” He was both charming and an artist.  A few years younger than me, but such a sweet heart, very silly and well spoken.  Alas I quickly realized that he and I would never be more than friends and when he met and introduced me to his new love “Winterspromise” we quickly became friends and I had the honor to be one of the official witnesses at their marriage ceremony.  Winter has become one of my dearest friends and it’s hard to imagine them not being a part of my life even if they are 1500 miles away now in Rainy Washington Land 🙂

My relationship with CharmingArtist changed.  It had to.  It wouldn’t have been appropriate for us to continue to hold private, at times intimate(not sexual, there is a difference) online chats and personal conversations after his  engagement and marriage.  Charming is still my friend, but more importantly he is the husband of my dear dear friend Winter.

There are days when I wonder why I’m not in a relationship.  But then reality breaks in , I laugh and go on with my crazy life. It doesn’t matter.  At the ripe ol’ age of 38, those dreams have started to fade.  The dream of marriage and children and a house in the ‘burbs has become this cotton candy dream that was left out in the rain for too long.  The colors have all run out into a beautiful sticky, uneatable mess.  New dreams haunt the edges of my sleep waiting for the right time to make their presence known in full.

Reality is this: A romantic relationship will not solve my problems.  Magic is only real in the movies.  There is no special technique to make all of the bad things disappear.  There is no “Happily Ever After” there is just “Ever After”.  If I am not happy alone, I will never be happy as a couple. There are much worse things than being perpetually single.  And I will continue to thank God for giving me wonderful married friends who show me that it’s not impossible to have a healthy relationship when I get all cynical and jaded about love and relationships.

CA & WP, you are two wonderful loving people who I will be eternally grateful to have in my life!  Your love for each other and your friends is inspiring.  If I ever find myself in a romantic relationship I hope it is as healthy and happy as yours!

 

 

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