My 20th class reunion is coming up in October.  I am filled with both dread and longing.  I went to our 10 year and felt like the odd man out.It was a pretty horrible weekend.

Where as most of my 90+ classmates were parts of multiple social circles, I was really only a part of one. Even back then I was the odd man out. I was too terrified of what others would think that I didn’t do anything that might bring attention to myself. Even though attention is what I desperately wanted.  I know I was a confused teenager. 

My BFF, L, graduated with us..and like  me she was part of a single group.  She really hasn’t stayed in touch with anyone from our class, but me of course, and has no interest in renewing any old friendships.  So this year we decide that instead of going to reunion we would take a long weekend getaway to the beach!  

A part of me still wants to go even though I know I will be surrounded by people and feel like I am all alone, and more than likely get depressed.  It’s ironically sad that I still want attention from the ‘cool’ people after 20 years.  So many people in our class went on to do amazing things.  We have at least 3 preachers, a ton of teachers, and at least 2 missionaries.  Our class is full of world travelers, and amazing parents and beautiful families.  If my Facebook is accurate more than half of them still look like they walked off the graduation platform yesterday instead of 20 years ago.

Me not so much.  I didn’t finish off my degree, I didn’t marry, I didn’t have kids, I haven’t traveled the world. Yet, somehow it doesn’t bother me as much as I though it would.