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”My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.  I do not see the road ahead of me.  I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.” ~ Thomas Merton

These words haunted me once years ago, and they found me again tonight when I watched the made-for-TV movie of Sue Kidd Monk’s novel The Mermaid Chair.

I’m weary, heart-sore and sad…my head is full of ideas and wanna-be deep thoughts.  I am searching for something, but I don’t know exactly what it is or how to find it.  I once thought that I was looking for the love of a good man.  Now that thought makes me laugh.  I thought perhaps I was searching for God…but I don’t know about that one either. Perhaps I’m simply searching for myself?

The Serenity Prayer has been winking out at me from the edges of memory for a few days so perhaps I should end with that tonight.  Many people only know the first section of this poem but I find the second portion quealy insightful.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.  –Reinhold Niebuhr