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I got on a scale for the first time on 4 months.  It was horrifying.  I knew I had gained some weight, but I figured it was only 5-10lbs.  NO I’ve gained 25 lbs in the last 4 months!  I’m only 5lbs away from being back at my highest weight EVER.

I know what has caused it.  I’ve been stress eating and my hormones have shifted again 😦  I can do something about both of them, but it’s not fun and it hurts both emotionally and physically!

BUT I don’t have a choice.  So I’m trying several different tactics.

  1. I’m going to start using a vapor cigarette sans the nicotine to help deal with sugar cravings and the need to do something with my hands.
  2. I’m going to be more honest with myself about food.  I KNOW what my food issues and triggers are and I usually just choose to ignore them because I can’t or won’t deal with them.
  3. I’m going to start doing more yoga.  I really enjoy it when I can find the time to be alone and on through the whole series of positions.  Even if I can just find 2 or 3 days a week when I can work on it.  Ideally I’ll have the money to join the gym soon and can start swimming again.  Cause you know Hippos are VERY graceful swimmers 🙂 🙂
  4. I’m going to start dealing with the emotional baggage in my life.  I’m still working out exactly what that means…but I’ve decided(I think) it mainly has to do with reconnecting my head and my heart and getting them in sync with each other again.  I’ve spent too many years living a life I don’t want because someone else told me to do it that it was really what I wanted.

While I do have PCOS, which causes some pretty major hormone swings for me, I can’t use that as an excuse.  Yes it makes it EXTREMELY difficult to lose weight, but not impossible.  I can do it…the suffering and deprivation will all be worth it in the end.

My goal is NOT to be thin, skinny or anything of that ilk.  My goal is to fit into a size 24 clothes and not be an embarrassment to Brenna.

For those who are wondering, I tipped the scale at 371lbs.  My highest weight was 5 years ago at 376.  I lost 45 lbs and I kept it off for 3 1/2 years.

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