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I’m so tired…just in sheer over load physically, spiritually and mentally.  I had to go clothes shopping yesterday and that is always disheartening.  Unlike many women I always think I look better than I really do (from the neck down at least), so I fall into this pit when I’m forced to realize that I’m HUGE(no, I really am).  It immediately becomes clear why I’m still single and probably always will be.  There is no getting around the fact that physical attraction is the #1 reason a man approaches a woman.  It may not be the reason he stays, but it’s the reason he approaches.  No one is going to approach me looking like this.  And as much as I talk about being at peace will being single forever there are times like tonight when I just want someone hold me tight and promise not to let go.  I’m ok at being alone…but this lonely thing SUCKS.  In my head I know it’s going to pass, and I’ve just got a nasty case of clothes shopping blues…but my heart is just sad and lonely tonight.  I can understand how fat women get into addiction so easily…right now I would do pretty much anything to make this feeling go away…which is exactly why I’m leaving the bottle of wine I’ve been saving in its hiding place, unopened.  Maybe tomorrow things will look up.  Time to get some sleep…Sweet Dreams!

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