I spend a lot of time editing. I edit my time, my words, my love, and most of all my writing. For every blog post you might read I have edited to death at least 3 others. I need things to be as close to perfect as I can make them(except grammar I’ve just given up on that front), and many times I don’t feel like my writing is even in the same state as perfection.
A lot of the time I find myself editing away my ‘darker’ posts. The ones that don’t add to my vision of wanna be perfect little dream life. The ones that would be tear stained journal entries in real life. Life has been darker lately, thus fewer blog posts. Home life has been…stressful is a good starting word for it. Tensions have been high, and I tend to take the brunt of the bad moods in the household.
I’m contemplating going back on to Rx medication…I think there are others who would be better served then I to be medicated, but since they won’t, I will. I just haven’t decided which route I want to go yet. I had very good results with Paxil…but it requires going to see a doctor and doing blood work on a regular basis. I’m thinking pretty seriously about using low dose nicotine in the vapor cigarette for anxiety relief.
I’m going to resist the urge to edit this post and make it flow better, or even make more sense. I’m out of sweets and potatoes, so with nothing else to eat I’m going to go and sleep and hope tomorrow is a better day.