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I’m on baby duty tonight, and after Brenna’s 2 am bottle it’s taking a while to get both of us back to sleep again.  So, if I can’t sleep I might as well write, right?

On the baby front: We have filed our suit for guardianship with the courts and J has been served with notice of the suit.  It was very difficult to get her served as she is staying with unknown friends, She asked for me to bring her clothes earlier in the week and I’ve been carrying them around with me since Tuesday evening.  She finally set a meeting time and place and I was able to arrange for the Process Server to meet me there.  He was great.  He only had 30 minutes notice to get 25 minutes across town where I knew there was only going to be a 90 second window of time she would be there. So grateful to have that out of the way!  If we had been unable to serve her, we would have had to serve her parents which I wanted to avoid if at all possible.  She was SUPER pissed.  She really thought that despite all of her poor decisions over the last few weeks that we wouldn’t file for guardianship because she told us that she didn’t want us to have guardianship…ah…NO…I love J, I really do…she has so much potential, but until she gets some major therapy time under her belt, along with some rehab Brenna is not safe under her care.  Brenna’s best interest are not her priority.  

For example: Vaccinations.  We feel strongly that Brenna should receive all of the normal vaccinations, but due to her size and possible health issues not all at one time and not at the current schedule recommended by the CDC.  Brenna’s doctor completely agrees.  J however thinks that we need to go ahead and give them all at once(4-6 shots) even though Brenna doesn’t have the body mass to support it, because she (J) can’t deal with a screaming baby and it is traumatic for HER…Brenna doesn’t seem to be a concern. 

I hold this baby and I feel sad for her loss…but know that what we are doing is for her own long term good.  I have no doubt that I will somehow screw up as a parent, and she will need years of therapy…but at least I know she will not be sexual abused by her mother’s boyfriend, or left alone for long hours while her mother is out with friends or has forgotten she exists thanks to mental health issues.  The cycle of substance abuse and sexual abuse will not be passed on to Brenna. At least that is my prayer.

I had many doubts about going after guardianship…but we are seeing prayer after prayer answered.  We found a better lawyer, we raised $1000 we needed as a down payment for said lawyer!   Today my prayer was “If it is YOUR will, let me do and say the things I need in order to get J served”.  So I will continue to pray “If it’s YOUR Will” as we go through this process.

Now to try and sleep 🙂