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There is a distinct downside to having a good imagination.  It can easily run away with you.  

Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since J last saw Brenna.  We haven’t had any contact with her in 8 days  She is choosing not to respond to calls, texts or Facebook messages.

Her uncle, who she calls Dad is very angry.  I think he is really angry at her, but he is currently taking it out on us.  He doesn’t want us to come around with Brenna at all.  I think he sees failure when he sees Brenna and her big sister together.  I think he sees what might have been if only J weren’t so broken.  

I choose to see the other side of things when I look at them together.  I see sisters who are as much alike as they are different.  dark to light, blue to brown etc.  but they share the same tilt of the nose and sly little looks.

I don’t do such a good job of imagining at night.  At night the darker imaginings comes out.  J breaking into our house to steal Brenna away, J hurting our dogs when we are away at work.  J breaking into our house to hurt us and Brenna…and it goes on.  I see the Judge rejecting our suit for guardianship because he can’t imagine J being anything but sweet.  I see CPS taking Brenna out of our arms to be sent to a foster home.  

I keep trying to reject those imaginings.  I will continue to hold out hope that our suit for guardianship is granted, and we are able to keep Brenna and raise her to be the best little girl she can be no matter what difficulties lie ahead of her.  I hope that she is able to make peace with a sordid family history, and a family that loves her no matter what.  

So I keep holding  on to the good imaginings 🙂  

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