Tonight I’m Lonely not just alone

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I’m solitary person by nature.  I would rather be home alone than be at a large gathering/party.  If given the choice I would rather have a quiet intimate gather of friends than to have to deal with idol chit-chat with acquaintances.  Rarely does being alone equate to being lonely in my book.

Tonight I’m lonely.  I tend to get maudlin and morose around my birthday, I’ve just come to expect it.  I’ve spent a lot of time this week thinking about my lack of a love life.

I’ve only had one real romance and it ended poorly.  I’m pretty much invisible when it comes to most people.  I’ve always written it off as my weight, and now as I face the future without the weight it makes me wonder if that is really the case.  Or is there something else that renders me invisible or forgettable?

Tonight I’m feeling lonely and a bit sorry for myself.  I’m almost 39 years old and I have no one to sit and hold hands with at the movies.  It feels like I’m mourning…but can you mourn the loss of something you have never had?  Can you truly mourn something of which you have no memories?

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